Every web site has something known as a server log. The server log contains all the information pertaining to traffic to the site. In other words, every time you go to a web site, things like your IP address, the link that led you to the site, the browser you use, your operating system and various other bits of information that can be used by a site owner to better tailor a site to the needs of the majority are collected.

I generally check my server logs several times a day just to see what is happening on the site. I am able to see the search engine queries that people use when those results lead them to my site. I am often amazed that folks end up at my site given the queries that they entered into a search engine.

For example, someone was looking for information on Nigerian leprechauns and ended up at my web site, Absolute Robeo. Someone else ended up at my site by asking how to give a prostrate exam and another got there by inquiring about "poopy diaper man."

Although "cure the common cold" brought someone to my site, I can assure them that they are looking in the wrong place if they are serious about a cure. The same goes for the person wanting to know how to cure warts. You won't find out if pizza originated in Iran nor will you find out why beans give gas but you can find my web site by searching for them. "Are employees accident prone" brought someone to my site. I'm not a magic 8 ball and didn't have their answer but I hope they enjoyed their visit. "Will I die from eating moldy bread" and "food poisoning rice" brought a couple of hits but those folks won't find the information they seek.

Someone found me by searching for "disney marijuana pictures" and another found me by searching for "marijuana hydroponic setup." These folks didn't find any information about their inquiries but it might be a good idea for law enforcement officers to look for hydroponic marijuana setups at Disneyland.

You won't find any pornography on my site but you might find my site while searching for pornography. You won't find directions on how to make a homemade shotgun or how to get rid of heartburn if you're pregnant. You won't find "cards for cheating husband" and you won't find out how DDT is made. There is nothing about "cat contents," "turkey pullovers" or "potted meat." You might, however, find my site by searching for those items.

How is it possible that people are finding Absolute Robeo while searching for things that are totally unrelated to my site? Well, the answer is quite simple; the words they searched for are on my site. Because I write stories about everything under the sun, a search for "*ball *bearing *body *jewelery" will produce a path to my site. "Who invented Haggis?" That is the search that warms my heart the most. Whoever those folks are who find me by searching for haggis, they are the ones after my own heart and they a probably after my heart as an ingredient in their haggis.

I don't care what leads a person to my site as long as they end up there and as I write more stories, I will probably see even more hits from search engines. Who knows, one day, all roads on the information superhighway just might lead to Absolute Robeo. It already does if you are looking for "hotdog pinatas." It's result number 12 on HotBot.

A friend of mine used to have an old Ford station wagon that began to run poorly. He took it to a mechanic who told him that the carburetor was faulty and he'd have to have a new one.

"Can't you just rebuild it?" my friend asked.

"No," said the mechanic. "An electronic sensor inside the unit has gone bad and, although the sensor probably only costs a few dollars, the carburetor is welded shut so there is no way to get in to it."

"How much is a new carburetor?"

"$525."

Kudos to the Ford Motor Company for coming up with a cunning idea to force patrons to have to spend big bucks on replacement parts. In second place is the infamous Yugo for having the words, "Do Not Rebuild" stamped prominently on the engine. Yes, believe it or not, a disposable motor.

This reminds me that I originally intended to write a story about windshield wipers.

I don't know how they do it but windshield wiper manufacturers have come up with a couple of surefire ways to get consumers to buy their product. First, the common windshield wiper found in the wild these days will always wear out at such a position to cause a streak at perfect eye level. This alone is not an amazing engineering feat as it would be as simple as developing a wiper with a weak spot at the average eye level to create the desired effect. I am rather dazzled, however, as to how they can make a wiper blade that only wears out on the driver's side.

I don't understand why, when it rains, that I can barely see out of the drivers side due to the poor performance of the wiper but the wiper on the passenger side, that is the exact same type wiper and was installed at the same time, works magnificently. If I lean just a little towards the passenger side and look through the glass I can see perfectly.

I have decided to design a product to take care of all these automobile items that wear out and need to be replaced. I call it the "Robeo Auto Parts Adjuster." You can find it in the automobile department of fine department stores. You can’t miss it. It looks just like a ball peen hammer.

On April 12, 1982 I'd had enough. That was the day that I quit and, as difficult as it was, I am glad that I did. I had gone to a few 12 step programs on my journey to stop but none of them seemed to help. Faced with the possibility that I might have the addiction for as long as I live and knowing that I wanted more out of life, I decided that a recovery program wouldn't help me unless I had the desire to quit. On April 12, 1982 I finally had the desire.

At first, it was extremely difficult. It was all I thought about. People were drinking it everywhere I went and waitresses would offer it to me in restaurants. Friends and business associates told me that "just one" wouldn't hurt me but I knew the truth. Even my own family would drink it right in front of me, knowing full well that I didn’t drink it.

Over time, however, my cravings subsided and today I don't even think about it. When it is offered to me I just politely say, "No thank you. I don't do that anymore." I can sit in a restaurant without it bothering me and I can even go to parties where it is all around me.

April 12, 1982 is a day I will always remember. It was the day I quit using artificial sweetener.

"Is that water?" I asked.

"I believe it is," was the reply.

Having recently taken the position of laboratory manager, I watched as water poured out of the ceiling onto a brand new state of the art, two hundred fifty thousand dollar piece of laboratory equipment. I rushed down to the maintenance department to report the problem. After a short investigation, it was determined that the leak was caused by someone who left the water running in a kettle located in the lab above mine. "It happens all the time," I was told.

"I don't understand why the water leaked through the floor and didn't run into the drain. The building is less than ten years old. We shouldn't have this problem."

A maintenance person explained, "Well, that would be because the drain was installed 10 centimeters above floor level."

"Why?"

"The only reason I can think as to why they would do something like that is because to do otherwise would make sense," was the reply.

"It's going to have to be fixed," I said. "I can't have water running on my new machine every time someone forgets to turn off the water."

Maintenance caulked the cracks and gaps around the drain in hopes to solve the problem. It worked. The next time water overflowed from the kettle my new machine remained dry. However, the water took the next easiest route through the floor that just happened to be over a machine valued at thirty thousand dollars. The solution was to cover the machine with a tarp.

A brand new machine had just been set up in my lab the day before I discovered a leak above it. This was a completely new leak to go along with my completely new machine. Blue water was pouring over the machine and the attached computer. The problem was coming from two floors above and again, the drain was higher than the floor. The solution in this case was easy. I was instructed to move the machine to a different part of my lab. The leak remained but that section of the lab was never utilized again.

The standard joke about leaks became, "If you want to find out where you have a leak, just install a brand new expensive piece of equipment and that's where the leak will be."

This isn't to say that all of the drains in the building are faulty. No, that isn't the case at all. For example, several of the drain seals for toilets in the building are failing and the raw sewage flows across the floor straight into the drain in the middle of the floor. I guess it's a good thing that there aren't any bathrooms above my lab but just to be sure, I'm not going to order any new equipment anytime soon.